Engagements And Weddings And Marriage, Oh My!


A lot of weddings are glamorous. Most marriages are not. And that isn’t a bad thing, it’s simply an acknowledgement of reality. The same way we’ve discovered and recognized that Instagram isn’t a true reflection of our daily lives, our wedding day isn’t always an accurate preview of what every moment of marriage will be like either.

Our bed won’t always be covered in rose petals and accompanied by chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. And we’ll rarely carve out the time to gaze into each other’s eyes and declare our love, the way we did that day, while surrounded by our family and friends.

Long after the cake, flowers, dress, makeup, hairstyles, music, Pinterest planning, and open bar are gone (cue George Banks sitting in his chair post ‘Father of the Bride‘ nuptials), we’re left with a mixed bag of anniversaries, birthdays, and special occasions accompanied by relocation, finances, and divvying up chores.

Our wedding day is in some ways, reminiscent to a childhood trip to Disney World. We spend boatloads of time and money in anticipation of an event that then flies at a rapid pace.

That being said, I’m not anti weddings. I love them (almost) as much as John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey. I’ll be the first one to raise my glass in a toast on the dance floor, I’m grateful that we splurged for all the fixins’ at our own, and some of the best parties I’ve ever attended have been in wedding form; I’d be remiss to wish them away. At their fundamental core, weddings are a beautiful (and kick ass) celebration of the union of a couple and what’s to come.

I’m simply suggesting that the modern day wedding is frequently the equivalent of a fancy and expensive appetizer leading up to a marriage that is more often comparable to the feeling of grabbing a low key dinner at your favorite hole in the wall place. It’s worn in, durable, and beyond all else, the best kind of comfortable.

What marriage lacks for in the outlandish, it makes up for in the details. Its greatest moments are rarely publicly witnessed or put on display. No angle or filter can adequately capture the feeling of someone having your back or loving the depths of your personality that few others ever see.

Marriage is complex because being a human is messy. And so its beauty often comes in the unconventional form of having someone know when to talk, when to give space, and upon seeing a tear streaked face, when to make a Ben & Jerry’s run.

I love looking at engagement photos, I still glance at our wedding hashtag on occasion, and after a subpar ‘you can’t make this shit up‘ kind of honeymoon, I’m in full support of anyone who opts to plan an extravagant post wedding trip. By all means, do it up.

In (true 2011) YOLO form, have the wedding you want. But in the midst of your planning and decision making, keep in mind the underlying purpose. That similar to ‘remembering the reason for the season’ sentiment at Christmastime, at the end of your sole wedding day stands a lifetime commitment for better or worse. And that is a beautiful thing.


{featured image via Unsplash}