Here’s What The Tinder Profiles Of The Lord Of The Rings Characters Would Look Like


By De Elizabeth

Today, March 25, is National Tolkien Reading Day – a day that was founded by the Tolkien Society in 2003 to encourage fans to celebrate the life and works of J.R.R. Tolkien. On this day, fans of the Lord of the Rings creator are supposed to read passages that inspire them and help them remember why they love the world of Middle-earth.

We decided to celebrate National Tolkien Reading Day with a little cheeky humor, as well as a nod to some of our favorite passages from the trilogy. The theme for the 2016 National Tolkien Day is life, death, and immortality.

What better way to be “immortal” than by creating profiles on the Internet? Everyone who has received a “be careful what you put online” speech knows that the Internet is written in ~permanent ink~ so your personas, thoughts, ideas, and identities can be crystalized forever. That’s immortality, darling.

In honor of NTRD, we decided to imagine what some of our favorite characters’ Tinder bios would look like:

1. Aragorn


“’A time may come soon,’ said he, ‘when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.'”

2. Gandalf


“’Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.’”

3. Legolas


“He was tall as a young tree, lithe, immensely strong, able swiftly to draw a great war-bow and shoot down a Nazgûl, endowed with the tremendous vitality of Elvish bodies, so hard and resistant to hurt that he went only in light shoes over rock or through snow, the most tireless of all the Fellowship.”

4. Frodo


“And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water. And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise.”

5. Sam


“’It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.’”

6. Boromir


“’Is it not a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing? So small a thing! And I have seen it only for an instant in the house of Elrond! Could I not have a sight of it again?'”

7. Smeagol aka Gollum


“’Hobbits always so polite, yes! O nice hobbits! Smeagol brings them up secret ways that nobody else could find. Tired he is, thirsty he is, yes thirsty; and he guides them and he searches for paths, and they saw sneak, sneak. Very nice friends, O yes my precious, very nice.'”

Tell Us: Which is your favorite LOTR character?