The 7 Stages Of Making Friends As An Adult


By De and Kate

The thought of going back to kindergarten is appealing for a variety of obvious reasons: the half day, nap time, recess, story time, and of course, chocolate milk. Extending beyond surface level, we’ll add one more to the mix: making friends. Which, if we recall correctly, went something like this, “Hey, want to be my friend?” “Sure!”

In fact, we still have a handful of friendships from age five that started with that classic pickup line. Sometimes we wonder if its simplicity would still work today, as we move from one city to another and start at square one in the relationship department. And we use that term, relationship, purposefully, seeing as making friends can often feel like jumping into the dating pool, without access to quite as many apps.

Navigating the terrain of making friends as an adult often times looks and feels a lot like this:

Stage 1: Curiosity


I wonder how old she is. She might be 19. But she could also be 42. Should I ask if she’s in college? If she has kids? Maybe I should just ask if she watches Ellen or shops at Trader Joe’s.

Stage 2: Awkward Smile


I don’t want her to think I’m weird, but at the same time, I don’t want her to think I have RBF.

Stage 3: Ice Breaker

Ice Breaker.gif

Going for it and throwing out the superficial hair/makeup/accessory/wardrobe compliment.

Stage 4: The Search For The Common Link


Gearing up for the real life version of Jeopardy’s potpourri category and likely discovering a shared interest in important things like margaritas and reality TV.

Stage 5: Popping the question


Making the jump between talking and hanging out is not just difficult when there’s romance involved – platonic dates are often just as difficult to initiate.

Stage 6: Following through on plans


We all know the feeling. Making plans seems so great in the moment, but then that Wednesday afternoon rolls around and the last thing you want to do is go out after work for happy hour drinks. Your couch just sounds so much better.

Stage 7: Making it social media official


Once there’s proof of your friendship on Instagram, or you become Facebook friends, you might as well have been BFFs since age 5. You don’t have to talk on the phone every day like you did in elementary school to be able to know exactly what your new friend did that weekend (or ate for lunch.)

Tell Us: How do you make friends as an adult?

{featured image via Unsplash}


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