Press Play

pumpkins

By Kate

Fall is in full bloom (or is it foliage?) in New England. The leaves are bright and crunchy, the air cool, the apples crisp, and my time at the grocery store is spent like a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, racing down the aisles to find any product with the words “pumpkin spice” printed on its label. In short, I love fall. It’s my favorite season by far. And yet, on more than one occasion (likely closer to 10) I’ve announced that I’m not ready for the change in seasons.

I’ve been feeling incredibly resistant to fall this year, knowing that winter will inevitably follow. Each time I double up on layers or grab my boots for an early morning walk, I can feel the internal struggle – which usually translates into an outward bout of nasty words against the cold – begin.

I recognize my feelings of opposition quickly because they’re common. Not just towards certain seasons, but towards so many things in my life – like Mondays, and hard conversations, and pants that have buttons.

Yet even with my stubborn resistance, winter comes. And with it comes Monday, and uncomfortable situations, and activities requiring appropriate clothing. Whether I like it or not, things keep happening and changing all around me.

Ultimately, what I’m often left with isn’t a choice as to if things occur. It’s a choice as to what my response will be when they do.

Things happen before I’m ready, and on the flipside, parts of my life seem stagnant despite my best efforts to mightily push them along. I regularly find myself wishing I could slow things down, speed things up, or forbid certain things from ever occurring.

Yet the inevitable change of seasons serves as my reminder that I can’t always control life.

Since I can’t control life, I figure the next best thing – or perhaps the even better thing to do – is to embrace it. To make the most of it. To stop longing for or wishing I could rewrite experiences that are already past. To stop waiting for a different season, or an upcoming holiday, or special occasion. To stop hovering over the rewind and fast forward buttons of my life.

To simply press play.

So, when winter does arrive, I’ll try my best to meet it with a cup of hot cocoa, a cozy blanket, and a Gilmore Girls marathon on the couch. I’ll aim to spend my Monday evenings making my favorite comfort meal. As an uncomfortable conversation arises, I’ll remind myself to speak with courage and kindness, and to trust my inner voice. And when I have to wear pants with buttons, I’ll know it’s because I’ve got some important shit to do.

In all fairness, I’ll also still probably mumble a bad word or 5 as the temperatures drop and days become darker. I’m not sure all the mac & cheese in the world is going to make Monday my favorite day of the week.  Odds are, I’ll still say “I’m fine” from time to time, even when I’m not. And pants without an elastic band will never be preferred.

But until winter, and Monday, and tough conversations arise, I’m going to do my best to bask in this cool and crisp fall day. I’m going to see if I can stop resisting so much, and instead, start embracing more. And you can bet I’m going to stock up on all the pumpkin spice products I can find.


{featured image via unsplash}

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