Ask De and Kate: How Do I Get Over My Three-Year Relationship?


By De and Kate

Welcome to our very first edition of Ask De and Kate, Thirty On Tap’s official advice column. Today, we are helping out readers Glory and Ash who both wrote in with some relationship questions. Read on to see what they wanted to know! 


My boyfriend of three years just ended our relationship. At the time, it was mutual, but it has been making me physically sick to think that the relationship is over. All I want is to just not feel this way anymore. I’m not exactly ready to just move on and date someone else. What is your advice for getting over the ending of a long-term relationship?


Hi Glory!

We totally understand that having a long term relationship end can bring an onslaught of emotions and feelings. Everything you described experiencing is completely natural, and you’re not alone. We’ve been in that boat too. As appealing as it may seem to push feelings aside or to get through them as quickly as possible, our best advice is to give yourself permission to work through things on your own time.

If you’re not ready to move on and date someone else quite yet, then don’t. As cliché as it may sound, maybe this time in your life isn’t about starting a relationship with someone else, but rather, focusing on your relationship with yourself. Take some time to get curious about who you are, what makes you happy, what you love doing, and what you’ve never done before but have always wanted to try. Explore new things. Grow as a person. And when you’re ready to jump back into the dating world, it’ll still be there waiting for you.

De & Kate

How do you meet the guy for you? How to get out and date? I want to travel and explore the world, but I don’t want to do it alone. My friends can’t afford it and I don’t want to be alone on this journey. I live alone and I’m kind of tired of it. Lately, I have been talking to my ex. He is a great guy and he has so much more potential; however, his morals and values are different than mine. I’m a strong believer in Christ, he is not. I don’t smoke and I only drink occasionally. He is a great guy, gives great advice, and supports all of my dreams. But he has made it clear that his faith won’t change. I’m not sure about what I should do. It gets lonely out here.


Hey Ash!

It’s definitely good that you have a strong hold on your beliefs – it sounds like you are grounded and confident in who you are. In terms of trying to align yourself with your ex, it’s important to understand, for yourself, what your deal-breakers are. While you should never force yourself to change your values for a partner, you should ask yourself if you can be with someone who doesn’t share your views. If you are willing to be in a relationship with someone with whom you might not see eye-to-eye, that’s one thing. However, if you feel that it would be a true deal-breaker, then maybe it’s best to move on.

In terms of meeting people, it can certainly be tricky, especially if you are busy with work. Online dating has made things much easier. For as much as it can be a leap of faith to try an app like Tinder or Coffee Meets Bagel, great things can happen if you give it a try. Alternatively, have you asked your friends to introduce you to some of their single guy friends? Sometimes the “guy of your dreams” might be just a friendship circle away and you might not know it. Good luck!

De & Kate

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