Dear Hillary Clinton: You Deserved Better Than This


By De Elizabeth

Dear Hillary Clinton,

I’ve been trying to put together words for the past 7 hours, as I’m sure you have as well. What words do we use in such a time like this? Do we try to analyze the when and the why and the how? Do we wonder what we could have done differently? Do we chastise ourselves for not donating enough, not campaigning enough, not trying enough? Is it our fault?

I’ve thought about the words I plan to use. I went to bed searching for phrases; I woke up looking for sentences. I thought about nothing else on my drive to work, my walk from the parking lot to my building. I’ve been consumed by language, racking my brain for the proper way to string together letters and words and punctuation. I am a writer, this is what I’m supposed to do. But I am at a loss.

All I can think of to say is, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you worked so hard, for so many years, so many decades, to have this be the conclusion. I’m sorry that you fought tirelessly in Washington for us, the American people, only to be criticized endlessly for your hair, your voice, your lack of smile when facing off with an opponent so unworthy of you. I’m sorry that this was the person who you ran against, this man who couldn’t even put together one single sentence of policy in the debates. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to have an intelligent opponent with whom you could have sparred, with whom you could have debated complex issues. I’m sorry that this happened, and I’m sorry that it happened to you.

And I’m sorry for my fellow sisters, the women who posted their selfies yesterday, wearing white, donning their “I Voted” stickers with pride. My heart breaks for all of you, over and over and over again. We thought we were making history. We were ready to dance in the streets, to cheer until our voices were raw, to drink champagne and celebrate this incredible step forward.

It would be hard enough if this was a loss to a normal Republican candidate. If this was a loss to a Mitt Romney or a John McCain. It would be painful and it would be frustrating. But this is not the same. This is a loss to a man who has promoted hate. I have no more patience for the rhetoric describing this election as the result of “people frustrated with government” or “people who simply wanted a change.” There is something deeper than that, and we’ve talked about it here, over and over and over. This is about hate. It is about racism. It is about sexism. It is bigotry. It is misogyny. It. Is. Hate.

We did not take that step forward, but we did not remain stagnant. We took a giant step backwards, and doing that on the brink of something historical? It is more than sad. It is a tragedy. It is heartbreak. It is devastation.

Hillary, if there’s one thing I want you to know it’s that you mattered. You matter. You made a difference in our lives, and you inspired us. You gave us hope, you showed us that the glass ceiling can be broken, and that it will be someday. You made us believe. You made us better. You made us stronger. You brought out the best in us, while Donald Trump brought the worst in others. My heart will never stop hurting, but I will always be grateful to you for helping us try to be the best versions of ourselves. If by some bizarre chance you ever read this, please know that you did that. You did so much.

I don’t know where to go from here. I know we need to go somewhere, and we will. We will heal, we will grow, we will persevere. Because we are women. And that is what we fucking do, every day of our lives. And I know we are tired of doing that. We are so, so tired.

For now, I am sad. For now, I am heartbroken. This should have been hers. This should have been ours. Yours, and mine.

So, Hillary, thank you. And I am sorry. You deserved better than this. You deserved it all.

{featured image courtesy of Twitter}

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