Ask De and Kate: How Do I Deal With a Guy Who Sucks At Texting?

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By De and Kate

On today’s edition of Ask De and Kate, Thirty on Tap’s official advice column, we are talking about relationships and texting. One of our readers, who decided to go by the pseudonym “Confused,” wrote in to ask about making plans with guys who just suck at texting. Here’s what went down! 

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I’ve recently started dating a few guys and it’s been a emotional roller coaster. I truly don’t enjoy it anymore. I’ve been single for a little over a year and I can’t seem to find a guy worth my time.

My best friend has stepped in and decided to introduce me to her husband’s co-worker. The guy seemed interested in the beginning but that died soon. He has never called me once, he only texted. During this time, I have suggested a day when we could meet up and on that day, he never said anything about us meeting up. So I didn’t think I should bring it up either; I had already stepped out of my comfort zone and basically asked him out because he wasn’t making any suggestions except for the fact that he wanted to see me again.

Later on, he texted me and he said he knew we were suppose to meet up but he got lazy. Like it was a joke. I didn’t think this was funny. I don’t know what his motive is anymore or why he continues to text me. He recently said he wanted to meet up with me but I reminded him of the last time he basically ignored our plans and that I will not have anything to do with planning a date between us. All the planning will be on him. My friends keep saying; with the guys these days you have to work with and excuse things like this but I don’t feel that’s right. I feel like if someone is truly interested in me I would not have to remind them of our plans together. Am I being too picky or headstrong?

–Confused

Hi there!

We hear you, the dating world can definitely feel like an emotional roller coaster at times. And while we aim to keep in mind that no person, or relationship for that matter, is perfect, we also think it’s equally essential to remember how important it is for our significant other to show respect towards us and to take action to ensure that our relationship is a priority.

There is a difference between giving someone the benefit of the doubt when the person is showing he cares and is invested in the relationship, and excusing the behavior when the person is outright telling you the reason he didn’t call is because he got lazy. While we are all about putting the work in and picking your battles, we also wholeheartedly believe in knowing how worthy you are of someone who treats you the way you deserve!

And while it’s true that some guys just suck at texting (although, TBH, so do girls), there’s got to be a limit of what you should accept. Dating works best when we just throw out the rulebook altogether. If you like someone, you should reach out to them. If they like you, they’ll respond. It sounds simple, but it really is. At the end of the day, if he’s not putting in the effort and you feel like it’s all one-sided, it might be best to pack up and move on.

–De & Kate 


Do you have a question for De and Kate? Ask anonymously here!

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