15 Thoughts I Have While Watching Hallmark Holiday Movies


By Kate Kole

I love Christmas movies. In fact, I even named my fantasy football team Countdown to Christmas this year, paying homage to the Hallmark Channel holiday lineup. They are, quite possibly, my favorite vehicle to escape this world and hop into a kinder, sweeter, and less stressful alternate universe. We all have our vices, and too good to be true Christmas movies just happen to be mine.

Of course, they are a bit formulaic and I can typically predict the entire plot within the first 5 minutes. So, to keep things interesting, I keep a running dialogue throughout the films. And more often than not, I experience (and voice) these 15 reoccurring thoughts in no particular order.

1. They’re definitely getting stranded at the airport.


2. She said it’s -10 degrees out. Why are they not wearing mittens?


3. Wait a minute, they’re making a snowman and still not wearing mittens?!


4. She just said she can’t stand him. 10 bucks they’re married by the end of the movie.


5. This is her 7th cup of hot cocoa today. Not judging. Just saying.


6. Four feet of white snow. Clear roads. Clean cars. Seems logical.


7. Seriously, where does this town keep the dirty snow?


8. Between the bakeries on every corner, Christmas music playing in every shop, and people smiling and saying hello to one another this place is basically Heaven on Earth.


9. For real though, why don’t I live on Hollyvale Street in Santa Clause, North Pole?


10. Current boyfriend, bad news bears. He’s either royalty, has some messed up family shit going down, is engaged to another woman, or is plotting to take over her company.


11. When are they going to frost sugar cookies? Wait, just spotted a tube of icing on the red and green tablecloth. We’re good.


12. Here comes Santa to deliver some news and then disappear for an hour and a half. Don’t worry, he’ll be back at the end of the movie.


13. Everything looks so festive. I need to put up our tree. And ornaments. And wreaths. And lights.


14. Oh no. 15 minutes left. Bring on the drama.


15. I think that must be her big sister, because when she saw her, she said “big sister!” That’s what I call my sister too.


{featured image via pexels}

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