To All The Pregnant Ladies Who Are Officially Over Unsolicited Advice

Pregnant Ladies

By Vanessa Sams

Greetings to all amazing women out there! I’m here to talk about something that is relatively less accepted as an open topic at dinner parties; namely what happens when you are pregnant and not gushing around with giddiness.

Now, this post isn’t about downright misery. This is about when you are at a dinner and you stare at a bottle of wine longingly, and someone (who of course must be the Dalai Lama) wisely tells you, “oh but think of how you’re growing a little life!” And you instantly want to stab them. However, instead you feel compelled to nod and smile and say, “you are so right!”. Or, this might be a post about those times when you can’t walk around unassumingly without someone announcing horrible things that could be happening to you. These times may go something like, … you are walking… a random stranger approaches… they stop to say, “are you ready for all of that sleeplessness and diaper changing Mama?!” Give me a break.

Now, what gives these people the right to all of this invasion? I have been told by countless women that the unsolicited advice will never cease. I myself have been experiencing this great honor since I became pregnant. Everything I do turns into 5 degrees of separation from a pregnancy related cause. For instance, I had a weird dream and people are suddenly Freud telling me all about weird pregnancy dreams. Cool. But actually, I have had a weird dream, every day of my life. I knew this would happen so I avoided telling anyone who wasn’t my closest person for 5 months. I would recommend this plan to anyone, but it isn’t always realistic. Being pregnant has its exciting moments!

It is totally natural to want to inform the entire populace. What is less natural is when the populace starts acting like they are the experts on an experience that is unique to every woman. No one can possibly know what your experience will be like, and thus people around you asking if your feet are swollen yet, or commenting that your baby bump is too ______ (insert any adjective here), or commenting on your cravings/lack thereof is just rude.

Sometimes you may be feeling oppressed by the future too. I am sure that everyone thinks of their future with or without a child very differently. True? In that case, how can people possibly generalize parenting and childcare? Why does everyone try to freak people out by telling them that their life is no longer their own, they will always live in a mess, they’ll have to put off fun for 18 years etc. etc.? This to me says more about the person dealing the information than the person who is pregnant. However, the person who is pregnant may be a hormonal wreck, so thank you so much for freaking us all out with the 5th horse of the Apocalypse.

Rest assured ladies, I am here to tell you that these people are inconsequential. Sure, there are a different set of choices that are about to present themselves, and sure some weird adjustments will have to be made (I’m looking at you two seat convertible), but pregnancy really is all about what you make of it. Really, just deciding what is non-negotiable for you to lose is the first step. Don’t let anyone judge you for your choice. Fashion the most important to you? Fitness; are you afraid to lose your body? (I raise both hands). Do you have wanderlust? Are you a crazy concert goer? Do you live for festival season? Want an all-inclusive trip? Happily, most kids under certain ages stay free. I’m thinking kid in floaties while I’m at the swim-up bar. In school or want to go to school? Most major universities have childcare programs for when you are in class! Talk about winning. No extra daycare costs. There are all kinds of family discounts for everything, and for the love of Pete don’t pay full price for kids clothing or furniture; hand me downs, FB Marketplace and Amazon are your friends.

I watch people take their kids to live in the Serengeti for months. I myself travelled everywhere when my parents were in school. I have seen cool hipster moms bring their babies to the bad ass brewery down the street, and I have seen the MOST stylish pregnant moms. There is plenty of fitness inspo, and plenty of support for workout moms. Every year at Bonnaroo there are parents with their babies wearing noise cancelling headphones. I kid you not. These babes are sleeping away with mouths open while their parents are raving. I personally am planning my baby’s cosplay for PAX East 2018.

In other words, do what you want to do. Keep the non-negotiable activities and stick with it. Ignore people who judge you. A happy you is the most important. Your little life will look up to you and you’ll happily have a partner in crime. No one else really matters. Stay sassy ladies.

Vanessa is part of the Contributing Writer Network at Thirty On Tap. To apply to become a Contributing Writer, please click HERE.

{featured image via unsplash}

2 thoughts on “To All The Pregnant Ladies Who Are Officially Over Unsolicited Advice

  1. marymtf says:

    It’s not less natural to offer advice, Vanessa. Some women want to share their experiences; others want you to suffer the way they did. You’ll just have to ignore the latter or take it till one day it’s your turn. 🙂

    It’s true, your life does change. That’s the whole point of parenting. Otherwise, you’d have to wonder why you are bothering. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have a life. Just not as carefree as it was before when it was all about you and your needs. When you have children they come first and you’ll be happy to make them first. I envy you. You’re at the beginning of your journey. It’s a marvelous ride.


  2. Ariel Dos says:

    I don’t have tiny humans, I haven’t experienced pregnancy or the issues that you’ve brought to light. I do though appreciate your openness and hope to catch myself before doing some of these things again in the future to my friends and family. Thank you Vanessa Sams =)


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