Self-Care Isn’t Just Nice, It’s Necessary

Self-Care Isn_t Just Nice, It_s Necessary

By Becky Houdesheldt

I honestly don’t care what it’s called. Me-time, down-time, alone-time, self-care, leave me the hell alone and let me do my thing time…the end goal is always the same. To recharge. To have my cup refilled. To feel refreshed and capable. To remind myself that I am, and always will be, an individual.

My fiancé, Andrew, and I are getting married in just over 2 weeks, and it has been a mad dash to get wedding plans confirmed. I was looking at scripts for the officiant, and a few things completely rubbed me the wrong way. One big one was the verbiage I kept finding for the unity ceremony. It all implied that the individuals ceased to be after the wedding ceremony, and only one couple remained.

I vehemently disagree. Here’s why.

I’m not marrying Andrew so that he will conform to what he thinks I want him to be, and vice versa. I love everything about him. The things that drive me crazy, the things that make me laugh. The things that I don’t quite understand. The things that he loves so dearly, that I know absolutely nothing about, but I love that he loves them.

He loves everything about me. There are a lot of things we both do wrong. There are plenty of things that I love that he doesn’t quite get, but he appreciates that I love them. And there are a lot of things about us that make us who we are, separately. And those separate people come together and make an amazing team. Still, we don’t become one. We become intertwined forever, but that doesn’t mean that either one of us loses our identity in the process.

All of that is to say, I need to practice self-care to remind myself that no matter what stage of life I’m in, I am always allowed to take time to get back to the core of who I am. Yes, now I am Mom, and Wife. I am Compliance Manager, Daughter, Sponsor, Friend. I am Sister. I am Daughter-in-law. I am all of those things.

None of those titles takes away the fact that without all of those things, I am still me.

I love to paint. I love to read. I love to walk around in the grass and wiggle my toes in the dirt. I haven’t done that in a long time. I love to play on the swings. I love taking pictures. I love to write. I love reading articles about random things and learning what I can, when I can. I love to nap. I love to sing. I love to listen to soundtrack music and get goosebumps over and over. I love to travel alone. I love to take myself to breakfast with a good book.

All of those little things add up to the part of me that needs to be tended to. I have to fill my cup to be able to fill those titles above to the best of my ability.

There will never be time to take care of myself if I wait for an opportunity to arise. There will always be dishes to do, floors to sweep, clothes to fold, and errands to run. The older our son gets, the more it will pick up. If we have another child, look out, right? I have heard from so many moms who say that they get so burnt out they lose their gratitude. I don’t want to lose sight of the gratitude I have for all of the things in my life. The best way I know how to do that is to pause, recharge, connect and remind myself to be grateful. Because everything in my life looks a lot rosier when I’ve had a moment to breathe.


Becky is part of the Contributing Writer Network at Thirty on Tap. To apply to become a Contributing Writer, please click here.

{featured image via pexels}

3 thoughts on “Self-Care Isn’t Just Nice, It’s Necessary

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