11 Pregnancy Symptoms That Are Straight-Up Bizarre

By De and Kate

Having both been pregnant within the last year, we often send multiple “so this is a cool thing happening in and around my body today” messages to one another. Because, while we know that carrying a child is a gift and we wouldn’t trade the opportunity, it can also be a little weird, uncomfortable, and kinda gross. Staying true to our promise to always keep it real on Thirty On Tap, here are 11 pregnancy moments we’ve experienced that didn’t fall within the typical back pain, weight gain, and food cravings that we fully expected.

Kicks sometimes feel like ping pong happening in your nether regions. This isn’t to say that we ever had a clue as to what movement inside our bodies would feel like. It’s just surprising how low and pee inducing those jabs (or vagina hiccups as we’ve deemed them) can be.

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On that note…Going to the bathroom is no longer optional. Gone are the days of holding it and waiting until the next clean rest stop. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Or, maybe you just went a little bit? Honestly, with all the random fluid happening down there, who knows.

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And if you don’t go…You might get a UTI. Or even if you do, you might get a UTI. Because, supposedly those are more common amongst pregnant women. And if you’re like one of us (she who shall not be named), you may just be walking around with one without even knowing it.

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You can imagine what dragons feel like. No, we’re not talking about the band. We mean that it seems there is literal fire coating your esophagus at night while you attempt to sleep. The heartburn is real.

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Your body is apparently up for discussion at all times. While we all know the cardinal rule of never asking a lady how much weight she’s gained in normal life, your number on the scale is now basically a carnival game with random strangers calling out their guesses. Lady in line at Target, want to wager? How about you, person we’ve only met once before?

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Everyday activities feel like workouts. Nothing like sounding like you just ran a 400m dash when you finish lacing up your tennis shoes. And if we hear the phrase “romp in the sack” we’ll just assume you’re talking about a pregnant woman, panting her way through adjusting her body, blankets, and pregnancy pillow at night.

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Gone are your former lady parts. Your boobs expand more in 1 month than they did in the 7 years spanning Jr. High and High School. And we suppose, that maybe your vajayjay looks the same, but you’d never know because by the time you’re halfway to delivery you’ve kissed any direct sight of it goodbye.

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The weirdest sensations are, like, totally normal. That zap of pain around your crotch? Totes normal. That sunburn-like feeling underneath your boobs? Normz. Who knew pregnancy was just so…weird?


Your favorite foods are no longer your faves. RIP nachos, chili, and Thai food. Because now you make me want to throw up.


Your belly button becomes unrecognizable. What tf is that weird dark line that’s going all the way down my tummy? And why is there a brown-colored ring all around my belly button? And why is my former innie now an outie…or just like…gone entirely? 


Pooping just gets weird. We’ll leave it at that.


Tell Us: What weird pregnancy symptoms did you encounter?

2 thoughts on “11 Pregnancy Symptoms That Are Straight-Up Bizarre

  1. Becky says:

    This is hilarious and on point. My husband would say one of my biggest pregnancy symptoms was complete loss of emotional control. Not all the time, but there were times when the waterworks would start and try as I might there was no stopping it. I’d just cry and go, idk why this is happening but I literally cannot stop. He would pat my leg or hug me and make me tea. We still have tea nearly every night before bed. The one about adjusting positions to try to sleep – that was the worst.

    Like

  2. Ali says:

    I addition to strangers guessing your weight, birthdate and baby’s gender (which is all pretty fun) there are those absolute strangers who literally try and touch your stomach. (Keep in mind, these are the same people who will touch your baby in the supermarket;)

    Like

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