Does it make me a bad parent? That’s the question that kept running through my head the other day. That’s the question I repeated over and over in regards to every parenting decision I am making. Does it make me a bad parent?
Does it make me a bad parent if some days I feel parenthood is just a little too overwhelming? Does it make me a bad parent if some days I just want her to sleep all day so I can get a breather? If I get annoyed sometimes when she’s climbing all over me, fussy and wanting me to hold her? If every time she grabs a handful of hair and yanks and I just want to yell “stop!“
Does it make me a bad parent if I give in and give her the pacifier? If I give in and hold her? If I use breastfeeding some days as a calming method? If instead of letting her cry for hours at night because she doesn’t want to be in her crib, I just let her sleep cuddled up next to me?
Does it make me a bad parent if some days when she’s in everything and I’m constantly keeping her from chewing on cords, eating trashcans, or playing with dog bones, if I load us up in the car and go shopping just to keep her occupied sitting in the cart? If every morning I put on Baby Signing Time DVDs for her to watch so I can have those few moments to eat my breakfast and drink some coffee?
Does it make me a bad parent if I just bring her in the shower with me because it’s easier for me instead of sitting on the side of the tub bent over watching her splash around in a bath tub of water?
Does it make me a bad parent if, yes, sometimes I let her play with the dog bone and bang it on the floor or empty milk jugs because it makes her happy and keeps her attention for a time?
Does it make me a bad parent if I stay in the shower soaking in the hot water for a few extra minutes while she’s downstairs with the hubs? If I want to hide away in a corner some days and cry? If some days I secretly wish she was older so she won’t be as dependent or needy?
Does it make me a bad parent? That question really plagues the mind. But you know what? The truth of the matter is simple. No. No it doesn’t make me a bad parent. It makes me a real, live person who has moments where everything isn’t happy go lucky or perfect, and all those rough times just make me appreciate her even more than I already do. It makes me so thankful that despite some days I feel like breaking down and begin questioning my parenting, I know without a doubt, she will always be the best part of my life.
I think we all need to understand that. We all need to allow ourselves to have self doubts. To question ourselves and then get back up and live life to the fullest. Does it make us bad parents? No. It makes us human.
Chelsea is part of the Contributing Writer Network at Thirty on Tap. To apply to become a Contributing Writer, please click here.
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